I’m Totally Freaking Out About Getting Pregnant
Ever since we started dating, my husband and I knew that we wanted kids. But it was always this far-off thing—like “Oh, yeah, we’ll name them Tobi and Sam, and they’ll have your eyes and my hair, and we’ll be this happy snuggly family that is perfect and happy and really freakin’ cute. Eventually.” Well, I’m 30 now, so that “far-off thing?” Much, much closer.
Cue panic attack.
We’d like to have more than one kid (I’m breathing in a paper bag now), so it’s time to get going or at least start to plan to get going. I’ve obviously already learned a lot from Erin’s pregnancy and birth experience, but I have a small family, and I didn’t grow up around babies. So while I want them and think they’re beyond adorable, I’m also a touch afraid of them, and I’m not really sure what the heck to do with them. Once they can start talking in mostly complete sentences, I’m golden. But before then? A lot of time with me being totally awkward and feeling incompetent.
And the really funny part is that it’s not even the having of the baby that freaks me out; it’s the pregnancy. TO HAVE SOMEONE GROWING INSIDE YOU? Both amazing and incredibly hard to comprehend. And I can barely grasp its insanity in other people—let alone myself. To know that you’ve created life, to have a human grow and move around inside you, to know that you are responsible for that little person for your entire life. Whoa. Maybe I’m not as 30-feeling as I thought.
Regardless, I know it’s time and I feel like the universe is pushing me in the direction to reproduce and bring another Fit Bottomed Girl or Dude into the world. As they say, the ol’ clock is ticking. So, I’m preparing to prepare now. I’m going off the pill, as my doctor said it was best to go off for a few months to get familiar with my cycle and get the drug out of my system. (Don’t worry, we’re using a backup method!) I’m popping prenatal vitamins (holy crap they’re the largest horse pills I’ve ever seen!), and we’re even finally renovating our guest bedroom to transform it into an eventual—deep breath—nursery.
It’s exciting and terrifying. Which I guess all major life changes are. You mamas and soon-to-be-mamas out there, did you freak before getting pregnant? Or after getting pregnant? Tell us about it—and please, any advice is welcome! —Jenn