Don’t Say This to a Twin Mom…

twins in stroller

Twins in public? You're just asking for the comments from strangers! Credit: WalkingGeek

This week we’re celebrating moms of multiples with special twin content! To see all of our Twin Week content, click here.

Being pregnant tends to draw comments from strangers. Sure, sometimes they’re nice, letting you move up the line in the bathroom or letting you jump ahead in the cab line (yay for a recent kind soul in NYC!). But sometimes they’re all judgey and overly personal. Having a child also opens the door to fun conversations, like when people had me freaked that my daughter was uncomfortable in her carrier. People are generally well-meaning, but sometimes an exhausted mom just doesn’t want to hear about how someone else’s freak baby slept through the night at two weeks old.

But even if you’re the queen recipient of stranger comments, I can pretty much guarantee a twin mom has heard it all—and then some. If a single kiddo grabs the attention of strangers who will reach out and squeeze cheeks during cold and flu season, you know that two adorable babies will bring double the stranger love. I was actually at Home Depot one day, loading my daughter into the cart to go inside when I saw a dad loading up two infants into a cart. Being friendly, I said, “You’ve got your hands full!” And then I immediately smacked myself because I knew that he probably heard that all the time. Like I hear that I’m “not in Kansas anymore” whenever I say where I’m from originally. I immediately asked my twin-mom neighbor about the comments that annoy her, and yep, that’s one of them! Oops. So for the sanity of twin moms everywhere, I polled some moms of multiples for things not to say to a twin mom.

Avoid Saying This to a Twin Mom

Courtesy of Jennifer P., mom of 18-month-old identical twin boys

Oh my GOD, twins?! How are you going to manage that? I have two arms and two legs, and I manage 25 children at a time at work. Why is this so difficult? Besides, I’ve never had one baby, so two isn’t that hard to me.

Do you know how expensive diapers and formula are? Yes, just as expensive for everyone else. They don’t charge extra for twins.

Did you have in vitro? Not all twins are born this way, and I don’t like that people think in vitro is taboo.

Do you ever sleep? Uh yes! Do you? I hate the idea that two children means I am a zombie.

Are you going to have more children? Asked as if one is judging, too personal for me!

 

Courtesy of Rachel B., mom of 4-year-old fraternal girls

What Rachel loves about twin comments: Since they are both blonde-hair, blue-eyed girls that look a lot a like, everyone assumes they are identical. They even like to argue that they must be identical. So funny. I’m blessed, I know they get a lot of attention, I don’t mind everyone telling me their twin stories, “I’m a twin, I have twins, etc.”  It is the twin connection, no problem.

Could do without: Double trouble. Can respond with “Double blessings!”

 

Margie, mom of 16-month-old boy/girl twins and my dear neighbor

Double trouble!
Do twins run in your family?
You have two boys! Please check the color of coat before making comments—just because my daughter has no hair doesn’t mean she’s a boy!

And Things You Probably Shouldn’t Say to Pregnant Women in General

  • When are you due? There’s always that possibility that the woman is not actually pregnant. Or just delivered her baby.
  • Is it twins? What are you implying?
  • Are you sure it’s not triplets? That’s just what a twin mom wants to hear!
  • You must be due any day! I’ve actually got 8 weeks to go. But thanks for the implication that I’m huge!
  • Here’s my pregnancy/labor/delivery/recovery/breastfeeding/sleep deprivation horror story. Pregnant women are worried enough!
Hopefully most of the people that say these silly things are coming from a good place. For example, while I’m sure some people who asked if twins run in the family are really asking if you had fertility treatments, others are probably just trying to gauge their likelihood of ever having twins!

What twin comments annoyed you? And what should just be off limits when talking to moms and moms-to-be? —Erin


Comments

  1. Katie @ Pop Culture Cuisine says

    When I was pregnant over last summer we were staying in a hotel and this random woman opened her big mouth while we were waiting for an elevator and just would not quit, went a little something like this…

    Her: Oh wow, you must be due any day…twins? (mind you I still have another month or so to go)

    Me: No, haha, not twins

    Her: Oh, a boy?

    Me: Nope, we’re having a girl.

    Her: Oh wow, she is going to be a big one.

    My husband and I just kept looking at each other and smiling, but when we finally got out of said uncomfortable situation I could not believe how far her foot was in her mouth, I mean people just have no filter whatsoever around pregnant women haha.

  2. Erin says

    Katie – HA! Makes you want to carry a game show buzzer around so you can push it when people are wrong. (Although she still may not have gotten the hint!)

    -FBM Erin

  3. Kristin says

    6. Which one is the boy?? When you clearly have 2 girls. I love putting pink dresses and bonnets on my boys.
    7. When they get a little older— which one is the smart one? I don’t know, which one of your kids is the idiot??
    8. Who was born first? Does it matter???
    9. Who is the leader or who is the bossy one? Many twins are equal partners- don’t put labels on, they may stick.
    10. What kind of fertility drugs did you use?? Uh… A. none of your business B. None!! Not all multiples are the results of infertility.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] Fit Bottomed Mamas recently shared some similar mom experiences by nosy strangers and too-interested neighbors. Here are some things not to say to a twin mom. All you curious souls out there — take note! [...]

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