Mom Confessions: What Would You Add?
Those first few weeks as a new mom are such a blur. My friend Erika had a boy two weeks ago and today posted an update on Facebook. She had been about to brag about dominating her first trip out alone with the baby and then she looked down and saw that she had on two obviously different flip-flops. One pink the other not at all pink.
Those first weeks are the roughest. But now here I am with a 5-month-old who decided sleeping wasn’t what all of the cool kids were doing anymore, and I’m fighting fatigue this week like the dickens. This morning, an hour or so after I got myself dressed, I realized that my daughter and I were dressed the same. Black and white stripes on top, denim on the bottom. Totally twins. Nice.
My big fear is actually going out in public or opening the door with a nursing top pulled down, bra or boob exposed. Luckily that hasn’t happened, but I got to thinking about the things that have happened and things I’ve done since becoming a mom that I totally blame on motherhood. Here are a few.
I blame motherhood for…
- The dog you swore you’d treat like a human forever? Sometimes you want to punch it in the nose. Usually when the kids are sleeping.
- The dog gets extra meals some days, I think (I’m too tired to know for sure), because I’m too tired to remember if I fed her.
- I’ve tried to skip pages in books I don’t like to get them over with. Kids get hip to this trick quickly.
- I sometimes wish the kids would sleep five more minutes. I mean five more hours.
- I’ve skipped so many days between showers that I’ve lost count.
- I’ve skipped a shower on consecutive days, DAYS I WORKED OUT, because I hit the pool afterwards.
- I am in no rush to start solids because I know what that does to poop.
- I’ve sat in the driveway longer than necessary because no one was crying and everyone was contained.
- I’ve dressed like my daughter, at the same time. At least she wasn’t wearing Dora.
- Next time a library book is ruined, I’m totally buying it on Amazon and turning it in because there is no reason I should be charged cover price plus FIVE DOLLARS for a torn cover.
- I’ve learned where every squeak in our old floors are and have perfected dance moves to avoid stepping on them.
- I envy my kids’ flexibility.
- I was maybe a little too excited when my daughter peed in the potty the first time. (She loves running around diaperless and going on the floor.)
- I always have paper towels on hand.
- Sometimes I think I could totally have a third child. The next second, I think I must be crazy.
What do you blame on motherhood? What are your mom confessions? —Erin