Ya’ll. I know I’ve complained about being sick. But I’ve seriously hit the viral lottery, so I’m feeling pretty entitled to complain. And moan. And moan some more. Like I told a friend, if you’ve ever wanted a side-by-side comparison of the garden variety regular flu and the norovirus (aka the “stomach flu”), I could write you a manifesto. I think the major lesson learned from this has been: If you can help it, don’t start your kids in daycare, in the winter, in the middle of flu season. I know! Seems a no-brainer! But I didn’t have a choice and I kind of thought all of those people must be exaggerating about kids and daycare and the sickness that ensues. Nope! They’re legit! We’re going to hit a solid month of straight-up sickness, no end in sight. (Hopefully there will be an end in sight super soon so I can be done complaining.)
So in an attempt to keep my sense of humor through the turmoil of a sick family and a super-sick self, I’ve tried my damndest to find funny and not go totally insane. Today I’ve compiled a list of “health benefits” of various viral calamities.
12 Benefits to Flu Season’s Viral Bounty
1. Vomiting works your abs. Heave and hold. Heave and hold!
2. Running to the bathroom 24/7, including overnight? It’s like a workout when you should be sleeping.
3. Hauling kids to the doctor over and over is a great workout for your feeble arms!
4. Can’t smell or taste? Now’s the perfect time to eat those veggies you’ve always hated!
5. No sense of smell? You had no idea the baby needed changing or that the trash needed to go out.
6. Expand your social network by befriending other totally miserable parents at the doctors office!
7. You and the doctors will be BFFs. You’ll be high-fiving in the grocery store and be able to ask about your ingrown toenail in the cereal aisle.
8. Stubborn baby weight? You’ve never lost five pounds so fast.
9. You can watch Sesame Street ’til the kitty-cows come home. (Anyone?)
10. Cooking just got easier when the only thing you can bear to look at is a can of chicken noodle soup.
11. Can’t bear to read Goodnight Moon one more time? You have no voice so you can delegate reading responsibilities.
12. You have a perfectly valid reason to go to bed before 9 p.m., like you always want to do but never actually do do.
In all seriousness though, the flu and all of these nasty viruses can be serious business. I’m so grateful we’re finally on the tail end of it—and maybe this third round of meds will finally do the trick for the last remaining ear infection in the house.
Head over to Fit Bottomed Girls for tips on avoiding the flu bug, and tell me: Have you been hit? Are you trying to see the humor to survive? —Erin