At Last! At Long Last! I’m Gonna Be a Fit Bottomed Mama!

Do you guys know how long I’ve been waiting to write this post, guys?

MORE THAN THREE YEARS!

And, at last, at long last, my infertility journey is closed, over, done-zo. Because finally — finally! — after years of hoping, wishing, praying, giving up, trying harder, and everything darn thing and emotion in between, I am pregnant. And blissfully nauseated, fatigued and feeling all the textbook symptoms of the first trimester. Hallelujah!

positive-pregnancy-test-585

I spilled the baby beans over on FBG this morning, sharing what the day I tested positive was like (spoiler: memorable workout!). But over here I want to dive into more about how it all went down. I’ve been open about every big up and down during my time trying to get pregnant — from at first freaking out at the thought of getting pregnant (well beyond that mindset now — years and thousands of dollars will do that to ya!) to hearing the “I” word to obsessing and not obsessing to acupuncture and heart work to, lastly, trusting myself and making space. I’ve had countless medical tests and paid so, so many medical bills. I’ve gotten bad results, good results and finally found care that felt right and good to me. And, guys, that’s what I think finally did it (along with a lot of luck).

In addition to weekly acupuncture sessions and herbs for the both of us — that week over week kept showing improvement in my cycle and improvement of Ryan’s numbers since last November — in May we decided to forge ahead with an IUI. A couple of years ago, we’d had two failed attempts at them, but after doing more research, I later realized that those attempts were pretty much bunk and based on outdated drugs and methods (a fact that made me feel better and worse, all at the same time … ). We knew acupuncture was helping us and that the lifestyle changes we made were helping, too (stress reduction, drinking less, cutting out gluten). So even when our new doctor said our odds at getting an IUI to work were 3 to 4 percent (seriously) with our on-paper issues, I knew in my heart that the odds were better because those on-paper numbers weren’t a reflection of how I felt.

For the first real time, I felt fertile.

And I was. After taking one round of Letrazole in mid-May, my body responded well. Ryan’s numbers were good for an IUI. And just two weeks before the IUI, Erin and I had released our collective “baby” into the world: our new book. I had done the life work. I had put everything I knew to be true about living a healthy life into a guide I was really proud of. And now there was an opening for something new in my life.

So we did the IUI and 10 days later I tested positive. Okay, I tested positive A BUNCH OF TIMES.

You can never see too many positive lines ...

You can never see too many positive lines …

The conversation went a little something like this on that life-changing Saturday morning …

Me: That’s a line. That’s a line!

Ryan: Um, are you sure, Jenn?

Me: Ryan, you have no idea how many of these damn tests I’ve pored over for the last three years. That is an m-effing LINE!

Ryan: Well …

Me: Wait, I’ll get a digital one.

WAITING … *test clearly states “pregnant”*

Ryan: Oh. My. God.

Me: Told you! I’m pregnant!

Ryan: I have so much to do …

And since then we’ve been enjoying all that pregnancy has brought. I’ll write more about my college frat boy-esque cravings (minus the keggers, of course) and first trimester “adventures,” plus other fun experiences during my pregnancy as it continues (I’ll be 12 weeks tomorrow). But for now, I’m just so, so, so grateful for all of it. Even the puke-inducing moments. Because life is a freakin’ miracle.

Still waiting for that bump ...

Still waiting for that bump … although I certainly have enough bloating!

I feel so blessed for so many reasons, but when it comes to this three-year process, I’m bowed over with gratitude that I got pregnant in a way that felt right to us. There were doctor visits, but they weren’t all the time. Instead, I had the support and guidance of a caring acupuncturist (If you’re in Kansas City and want to give acupuncture a try, look her up. I can’t recommend Stephanie enough!) who knew her stuff and helped us naturally boost our fertility in a loving environment (that I actually looked forward to going to!). From there we combined the marvels of medicine to close the deal. It worked for us. Again, I feel so lucky.

I know that compared to so many others, my infertility “journey” wasn’t much of a journey at all. We didn’t have to do IVF at all, let alone multiple times. And we didn’t suffer a loss. But I feel as though I have still had a dark glimpse of that pain and desire deep within the depths of my core. While we didn’t have to do more extensive procedures, I’ve been in those scary places and had my hopes crushed too many times to count. I feel like I’ve been to hell and back. And I know I’m so damn lucky to be where I am. So to any of you reading who are going through that, I got your back — and I hope that sharing my journey has been a glimmer of hope that doctors aren’t always right (3 to 4 percent chance, my fit bottom!), that you can trust your gut, and that a diagnosis or a “no” doesn’t mean “never” — no matter how you get to it.

And a huge, huge thank you to all the FBM readers who have followed my experience, shared your personal experiences, and left comments of understanding and encouragement. They helped me more than you’ll ever know! —Jenn


Comments

  1. Kathy says

    Congratulations! I’ve been reading your entire journey (thanks for sharing) and am excited to hear about your pregnancy and motherhood journey next!

  2. BJ says

    This post is so encouraging to read and it makes me so very happy and excited for you!! I honestly am sitting here with a lump of gratitude in my throat. I cannot begin to imagine how long the road has been, or how dry it has felt. But I am so very excited that you now get to start shopping for those teeny tiny little baby shoes that will fit the feet that join you on the rest of your journey!

    Many, many blessings to you, Friend!!

  3. Jamie says

    I feel your pain and excitement… 6 years of infertility here before my son was conceived through ivf. He will be 7 in October. I don’t think I will be able to have more I had thyroid cancer and doctor now says my chances are slim to none

  4. Liz says

    Congratulations! Such exciting news – thank you for giving me hope! We are approaching two years now and still nothing. Will be trying IVF in January if nothing happens before then. :)

  5. Acacia says

    My husband and I have been fighting this same battle for 6 years now. So happy to hear you finally got a positive test! You give us hope that someday we will have a positive test and a healthy baby. Congratulations!

  6. Sonya says

    Congrats!! I am 39 years old and after 6 years of infertility and 1 miscarriage I finally got pregnant. I am due in October with a baby girl. Many blessings to you!

  7. Jodi says

    Wonderful news! Congratulations Jenn! You must be over the moon. Best wishes for a happy, healthy pregnancy. Also, I’m loving your long wavy hair in these pictures :)

  8. Maria says

    Jenn,
    I don’t even know you but my heart is beyond happy for you!! This was my struggle many years ago and I certainly know the depth of despair that comes with infertility. I also know the amazing blessing and joy of adoption and then of twins through IVF. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant like it was yesterday, even though it was12 years ago. I will be praying for your pregnancy and journey. It will continue to be amazing!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *