Infertility: The Private Struggle

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Today’s post comes from Tessa Sarver, a friend of Jenn’s who also struggled with infertility. 

infertility-585It’s National Infertility Awareness Week. Until recently, I’ve never put much thought into it, as infertility is such a private and personal thing. But seeing so many brave and heart wrenching posts over the last few days has made me feel so much less alone. Mike and my personal struggle was our own and details are not important. We were lucky to have select friends and family in on our “secret.” How sad that it is so taboo that it’s a secret.

For people struggling with infertility, it’s more than just carrying a baby with your genes; it’s the whole experience. I dreamed of ultrasounds and flutter kicks and hiccups and the first time Mike would feel our baby kick.

Having Owen was such a miracle! Even last night, when he was up crying from croup and teething, I can just look at his face and be so grateful to even have the chance to hold a crying baby. All the costs, painful and invasive treatments, morning sickness, 24 hours of labor, a NICU stay and sleepless nights were and are a struggle. But I’ve never been so happy and fulfilled.

The reason awareness is so important is because people don’t know what to say when their loved ones are struggling. I can’t even tell you how many times I was told I could just adopt, or that things would work out how they’re supposed to. People told me miraculous stories of someone else they know. While well-intentioned, these things don’t help. The best thing anyone ever said to me? “That sucks.” It’s that simple.

The next time any of you want to ask a married couple when they plan to have kids, think twice. You never know if that simple question will break their heart a little more than it already has been. —Tessa

 

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  1. I think this is great. I never really understood this until I had my own miscarriage. Yes thankfully I am able to conceive but now comes the worry about whether we will be able to again or if I will be able to carry a baby to term. Yes lots of people go on to have healthy pregnancies but its always a worry. I am definitely a lot more careful now to ask these questions then I used to be, because I know how much those few words can cause so much hurt. I like that you wrote the that “That sucks” was the best thing you heard, because I agree… all my friends and family saying well what’s meant to be will happen.. thanks but that’s not really what I want to hear right now.