8 Things to Never Ask a Working Mother

Young professional woman working with computer in the office

Before I had kids, I worked full time. After I had kids, I stayed home for five years. Now I’m working full time again. From that fairly recent shift back to full-time work, I’ve had some first-hand experience with questions and comments regarding that change. The following examples are all things that have actually been said to me, either in person or via blog comments/emails.

The following are examples of things you should never ask a working mother:

Do you think it makes you a better or worse mom?

If I say it made me a better mother, I’d be saying that being around my kids brings out the worst in me. If I say it makes me a worse mother, that’s admitting that I made a choice to reduce the quality in my parenting by picking a career over the well-being of my children. I’m exactly the same kind of mother to my kids; I just don’t get to spend all day with them during the week.

Do your kids enjoy being raised by someone you pay? No, they are fucking miserable. Happy?

My kids like their caregivers. No, they don’t call them Mommy. Yes, sometimes they call me by the caregiver’s name. Yet the world continues to turn.

Do you feel guilty? Yes, it just absolutely tears me up inside to think of how they are suffering at their ritzy private school that is funded by my job.
Why did you even have kids if you’re never home? Because birth control is confusing? No one asks my husband these questions.

Why don’t you volunteer more at their school?

Judging by how much we pay the school, they can probably handle staffing their own events. I go when it’s an hour or less of a time commitment, but I can’t take off from work every time they have a book fair event and need a parent helper. I did more than my share of that shit when I was a SAHM mom, so I’m going to coast off that karma for a while.

Can’t your husband support you?
Why don’t you just work from home? Just because you are part of a multi-level marketing plan and call that a job, that doesn’t make you authority on working from home. Bitch please, selling Scentsy candles is not a job, it’s an annoying hobby.

Even if I had the flexibility to work from home, I’d need my kids to not be there because I can’t do my job while parenting them.

Do you like the alone time?

Honey, it’s been a long time since you worked if you think an office job is “alone time.” Yes, I don’t have to share my lunch with a 2-year-old, but that doesn’t stop actual work from interrupting my special snowflake “alone time.”

I could do a whole other post on questions you shouldn’t ask a SAHM mom, including gems like, “Do you feel like you’re wasting your education?” and “What do you do all day?” but for the sake of brevity, we’ll stop the ranting here.

Has anyone ever asked you one of the “working mom” questions? —Kara

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10 Comments

  1. I’ve never commented on here but I have to say this article has such a nasty tone. Why attack moms in direct sales??

  2. Because she’s probably like the rest of us who get bombarded with Facebook stuff and emails from someone who “works” selling something online and swears we can make “all the monies” if we just join their team.

    And it’s not just moms in direct sales. It’s anyone in direct sales who annoys the crud out of all their friends and family members by implying we clearly don’t want to be in our children’s lives because we’re not selling oil or bags or jewelry or makeup or skincare or whatever.

    And yeah, nasty tone. Please see the first GIF. And then go read her blog on the regular.

  3. “Just because you are part of a multi-level marketing plan and call that a job, that doesn’t make you authority on working from home. Bitch please, selling Scentsy candles is not a job, it’s an annoying hobby.”

    YASSS QUEEN!

  4. I have been a working mom for all but the 10 weeks of maternity leave that I got (he’s 5 now).
    I have never been asked any of those questions, but those are definitely my answers!

    As they say, “Do your best, forget the rest!”

    *applause*

  5. Well, I understand that is your opinion. All I can assume is you are one of those direct sales ladies that thinks you are better than working mothers from how offended you are getting. As someone that HAS done direct sales in the past, I know that you have to dedicate a poo ton of time to it to actually make more than you spend each month–in other words, it really is an annoying hobby, b/c you can’t make any money at it and still spend the quality time with the kids you seem to think working moms are inferior for not spending with their kids.

    And really, what perpetuates “mommy wars” more is the lack of recognition that working mothers need support too–so scheduling Mommy and Me support groups only during working hours is basically telling a very large number of moms that they really aren’t moms.

  6. I feel that you neglected to collect questions from me. But I am a generous person, so I will help

    * How often do your kids forget your name? Is it every day?

    * How do you punish your kids when they don’t vacuum and clean the house very well?

    * Are your kids raising animals? What would they charge to raise my animals too?

    * How often do you sleep at work for quiet?

    * Are your kids cooking seven course meals for you yet? Are they good? When can I come over and try one?

    * Are those loonies next door showing drive-in movies out back again?

  7. I am a WAHM. I run affiliate marketing programs for brands. So here is what I get 🙂 Can you take me to the airport in the middle of the day? Umm no I work. Well you work from home. No, I represent half of my family’s income work. So basically no thinks I ‘really’ work and it is frustrating.

    I don’t think this starts mommy wars. It is about understanding each other and respecting our individual choices. I have the utmost respect for women who work out of the home, at home and stay at home. Being a mom is a bass ass job and we are all just trying to do the best we can.. And overall, I find most moms kick some serious ass no matter what their vocation is.

    And one last thing, I am not still in my pjs while I am working

    Peace Out Beautiful Mommies

  8. Nope. I work full time out of the home and have two kids. I don’t think I’m better or worse than anyone. I come to this site for health and fitness tips, not mean spiritedness.